Updated: Dec 17, 2019
She (a student) told me as we spoke of her heartache, "I don't know if I can do something different." You see she felt helplessly drawn into her old pattern of connecting, yet, something inside of her keeps urging her to see the old patterns aren't helping her. She wants something different. Drawn into a situation where she keeps a rhythm of being first rejected by her sweetheart, and then drawn back into his life as a pendulum flies; she knows it isn't healthy for her. Hopelessly, she asks, after confessing the futility of her life, her choices, her loneliness and need for affirmation from him, "How do I do it?". I keep making resolutions. But they don't work.
This is a common experience - things get tough, and we decide a change is necessary. We make resolutions. Only often, they aren't effective. It is easy to be drawn back into old relationships patterns and experiences based on unforeseen and unknown desires. Maybe it is the need to be accepted? Do you seek affirmation from others? Need to be known? Always seeking a way to belong? Maybe you are driven to show how capable and significant you are? These are just a few of the ways we enter into relating in the world (check out Connections here) and with others. Out of balance these energies don't support us. In balance, life is a whole different animal. Have you been driven by any of these forces? Have you found yourself not understanding why you are in a situation that really doesn't work? In a situation that keeps spinning around, and hooking you on the backside?
Good question. How do we do it? I suggest that we move from making resolutions, and actively be the change.
The restless, hopeless, helpless feelings are the first signs that something isn't right in your world, and it's time to upgrade! You deserve this. To be a strong human, living in right alignment with all your relations. To live your life fully, exuding harmony and ease. Toknow peace, sharing your inner strength with your family and loved ones.
How: Recognize discomfort, dis-ease, & the little niggles in your head, or gut are invitations to move towards change. To know these disruptions are leading you towards wholeness. Resolutions aren't necessary. Simply start one breath at a time. Feel. Respond.
First, recognize that any physical or emotional disruption is a point of inquiry. Why is your stomach upset every time you talk to your mate about something that isn't working for you? Why are you crying every day at the job? Why are you fighting with your family? What is causing the daily headache? What energy is behind the sensation?
Ask the body. First, give your attention to where physical (pain, tightness, cramping, heat, cold etc.) or emotional (tears, sadness, anger etc.) energy is emitting. If you are overwhelmed with thoughts as you start, let yourself shake out energy and then settle into quietness. Once you feel a little quieter, place a supportive hand on the body part. Holding yourself, sway or move with the energy until any sensations or information revels itself. If you find yourself seeking or forcing an answer, stop, shake and start over. Let it arise from your knowing field.
Acknowledge where you are, while simultaneously being gentle on yourself. Accept that the sensations, emotions and responses are simply energy. It's information that can help you go to a different level.
Believe in yourself. I know, it's easier said than done. But, you gotta do it. Be your greatest champion, and take yourself on! Our greatest inspiring athletes, speakers, performers and leaders often tell the story that they were rejected time and time again, they were told they were ugly, to small, to big, to loud, to quiet, to (fill in the blank) and once they denied the others voices and embraced their own, found unbelievable success.
Take the time to go underneath the noise and unearth what drives you. Check out those dark and shadowy places (You can check out a light and shadow workshop here) and see what wants to come to light.
Make it so! There's no time like right now to create the happiness and desires of your life. After all, this moment is all you have. Let me know what you're creating! Happy New Year.